The Beard

Some of you may know by now that my husband Paul has a beard. At least for the moment.  He has spent 3 solid months growing it, and grooming it. But now, he finds that everyone has a beard. And this makes him want to shave it off.  But then what? He's thought of a moustache. But then decided that really, Tom Selleck is the only male who can pull this off.

Thank you to the Flickr user who posted this photo, and by the way Paul chose this image of Tom, not me.

After rejecting the moustache, Paul thought of a moustache, sideburns and a little soul patch on his chin.  That keening sound that you hear is me, wailing "Noooooo!"

Then he told me the following story to illustrate why he wanted to get rid of his beard:

When I was over at N's birthday (Audrey's friend who had a birthday party last weekend), whenever I dipped my head down, my beard bristled up - when I stood up tall, it was fine, but as soon as I slouched down,  up it came, foosh (miming a Elizabethan collar around his neck). So I had to trim it!  

So here's the problem.  He wants to get rid of the beard, because everyone now seems to have one. But he has invested 3 months of his life into it and feels like he can't shave because of that.

So he wonders, is that why everyone seems to be walking around with a beard? Because they too want to shave, but feel they've put too much work into it?  It's not really a hipster thing...it's just the pain at throwing away three months of beard-growing work.

Who knew facial hair was so complex psychologically?

The 10 Best Knock Knock Jokes

Yesterday, I made an effort to celebrate St. Patrick's Day in a more American way.  Having witnessed the subdued reception to it on the part of the average Brit, I sought to celebrate my Irish heritage. But, given the demands of having two small(ish) children, I could hardly pop up to the local pub for a pint of Guinness. So I did the next-best thing.  I looked up St. Patrick's Day jokes for kids, which led to jokes more generally.

Our kids are currently into knock-knock jokes, but let me tell you (if you don't already know) - most of the knock knock jokes out there are terrible.  Not like "they're so bad they're funny." Just bad. So I tried to gather the best of the worst, and also divide it by age.

For your 3-year-old
(Simple)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ali
Ali who?
Aligator!

(Doesn't make sense, but it doesn't matter, they think it's hilarious anyway)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Banana on your head!

For your 6-year-old
(Seasonal)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Esther
Esther Who?
Esther Bunny!

(If they happen to be British or a Dr. Who fan: currently making the rounds at my daughter's school)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor Who?
You just said it!

(You might have to explain what a fig is)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Figs.
Figs who?
Figs the doorbell, it's broken!

For your older-than-6-year-old
(Slightly more complicated vocabulary and concepts)
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Doris!
Doris who?
Doris locked, that's why I knocked.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Cash
Cash who?
No thanks, but I’d like some peanuts

(It's all about…timing)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Interrupting pirate!
Interrup…
ARRRR!


Adults Now
(For you Sound of Music fans)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Little old lady
Little old lady who?
I didn't know you could yodel

(And finally, a few British jokes)
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.

What's round and bad tempered?
A vicious circle.

What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?
A barber queue


Thanks to the following sites from which I culled jokes:
http://www.enchantedlearning.com/jokes/topics/knockknock.shtml
http://amomwithalessonplan.com/knock-knock-jokes-for-kids/
http://lajollamom.com/kid-friendly-knock-knock-jokes/
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/19-silly-christmas-cracker-jokes-4854120

What will I miss about Scotland? The Place.

I was traveling for work this past week, so Tuesday included a 5:30 am start and a trip down to London, and then Guildford, to meet up with colleagues at one of our @digitallifespan partner Universities. At dinner last night, one of my colleagues asked me what I would miss about Scotland when I left (as I plan to do) in seven months. Despite having written several blogs about what I like about Scotland, the first answer that came to mind was not unique to Scotland - it's something we had in Providence, RI, too.  It is community - both Dundee and Providence are small enough cities, and have vibrant neighborhoods, so we feel like we belong there.  You run into people you know - at a coffee shop, in the post office, on the street.  And you can walk a lot of places. Especially in Dundee, but also in Providence, there are commercial streets near residential areas - urban planning done right. Both cities are big enough that are things to do - cultural events, restaurants (well, okay, Dundee gets half-points on restaurants), sporting events - but they have a small-town feel.  150,000 people is my kind of small town.  So when we return to Tucson, the metropolis of 500,000+ (1 million in the greater Pima County area) where you can't even walk to the corner store (what corner store?) I will miss that community.

Courtesy of Wikipedia, sheep in a location that could be Scotland.

The second thing I told my colleague I would miss is something I was reminded of as my boss and I drove from Dundee to Edinburgh Airport (at a you-can-see-unGodly-from-here hour) on Tuesday morning. As we passed out of the city, almost immediately we were in the countryside.  And not the countryside of the US, which still has large towns everywhere, interspersed with uninhabited mountains or forests.  Or in the Midwest, miles and miles of corn or another monocrop.  I'm talking about driving 10 minutes outside the city, and it's rolling hills, sheep, cows, farmhouses...and that continues until you're 10 minutes from the next city.  Bucolic.  It would be like [I imagine] stepping back in time in the US, when there was more rural life and agricultural focus - in Scotland, these are still main foci, celebrated at the Royal Highland Show in June (which, confusingly, is not held in the Highlands). 

Of course we will miss friends that we've made here in Scotland - that's a given. But we will miss the place as well!