Happy Anniversary, Pat and Phil!

Eleven years ago today, my husband Paul and I went on our fourth date.  I'm usually pretty bad at remembering details, but I can tell you with certainty what we did on our first four dates, eleven years ago.

Our first date was two Tucson's Fourth Avenue Street Fair.  During that date, Paul started ranting about the idiocy of people who insisted on having grassy lawns in drought-stricken Tucson, and I was hooked.

Our second date, we went to see a horrible movie, which somehow managed to garner critical acclaim - Gangs of New York.  On this date, Paul's loathing of Leonardo di Caprio was solidified, and we bonded not only over the horribleness of Gangs of New York, but also our mutual dislike for The English Patient, another critically acclaimed movie that perhaps two people in the whole US were willing to admit they disliked...and they were now on a date together.

Our third date, I invited Paul to go on the Medical Anthropology overnight camping trip to Patagonia, AZ. He gained major points not only by knowing how to put up our tent (I had borrowed it from my roommate and had no idea what to do with it) but also by making s'mores for my friends and making charming small talk with total strangers.

Which brought us to April 20, 2003, our fourth date.  Which happened to be both Easter Sunday, and my future in-laws 35th wedding anniversary. And the first time I had met anyone in Paul's family. Talk about your nerve-wracking scenarios. 

But it turned out to be lovely. Paul's parents are wonderful folks, and his brother and sister-in-law made me feel welcome, too. His nieces and nephew were just kids, 10 and 11 - now they're in in their early 20's. The food was great, and conversation flowed easily. There was an awkward moment around pictures - his parents took one of Paul and I (which I think is now packed away in a storage space in Virginia - at least I hope it is, since it didn't make it to Scotland with us) but of course I wasn't in any of the other photos, but who knew if I was going to be around another week, a month, a year? It was only our fourth date.

But, eleven years later, I have not only married Pat and Phil's youngest son, but have also taken himto Rhode Island for three years, and now Scotland for two. Part of his heart will always be in Tucson, though, with Pat, Phil, and the rest of the Orzechs. So Happy Anniversary, Pat and Phil, and we'll see you in Tucson as soon as we can!

  

Update: Six months in Scotland

The end of March marked our six-month anniversary here in Scotland.  There wasn't a lot of fanfare - the biggest thing that was happening the week of 24th March was that we were preparing for my parents  and sister's visit, which started on Sunday the 30th for us in Dundee. A bit more on that later. For now, the update, with some pictures below.

I am reminded of the interviews I conducted with young adults about their online life; they emphasized that what made it online from their lives was the fun, social, traveling-new-places part. Work (or school) was generally not photo-documented or posted about.  My life is the same. I spend most of my week working, yet I have no pictures of it, except for this one of Audrey sitting at my desk, with dad behind her. And I didn't even take the picture (thanks mom). I guess I have a few photos from quarterly meetings, where we travel to our partner universities, in Surrey and Nottingham - but again, I spent most of my time at work! I enjoy my work, I like my boss a lot, it's a fun project, and it keeps me busy.  In my "spare time" when I'm not working I'm taking care of the kids, doing what I did in Rhode Island - exploring the place - except without a car this time. We do have one, but my manual transmission skills are poor and enthusiasm for driving on the wrong side of the road practically nil...so no car, just walking, the bus, occasionally the train.  Good thing the UK has a good public transit system! I also joined a women's singing group almost as soon as we arrived - we were still staying in the bed and breakfast, we hadn't even found our rental house yet when I went to the first rehearsal.  That has been great - all singing by ear, no music, 40 or more ladies ranging in age from 28 to 88 - very opposite to every choir I've ever been in, but lots of fun.

Audrey at my desk in the Art College

Paul is settling in, though the transition has been harder for him. If we had arrived in July instead of practically October, things would have been a bit easier for him and for Audrey - we would have been here for the start of school instead of 8 weeks in, there might have been more people playing at the parks in the summer than there were in October - more people to meet.  But, Audrey did get into school (and catch up with the phonics she had missed in the 1st 8 weeks), Paul did find playgroups to keep him and Claire busy, and has even found a yoga class that morphs into a night out at the pub every Wednesday.  That group even took him skiing - when friends ask Paul what he's doing in Scotland and he says "Drinking and Skiing" they're a little shocked...but he's fitting into the culture :-)

Six months in, we have done a bit of touring around - we went to St. Andrews (castle, cathedral, the cafe where Kate met Will), to Edinburgh around Christmas to enjoy the "Edinburgh Christmas" fair, and to Stirling and London when my parents and Sarah visited. We're starting our hit list - the Scottish Highlands and Islands, Stonehenge or some other less well known stone circle, Dublin, Istanbul, maybe Spain (or somewhere with a warm beach).  And of course Naples for when Margaret and her family get there later this year. We'll see how many we can make happen!

We don't know for sure what will happen at the end of my 2-year contract.  My boss has already offered to write me into future grants this autumn, but we're not sure we want to stay beyond the 2 years.  Some things are great (see my previous post on three things Scotland does right) but it's far from family, and we're not sure we want to raise Scottish kids.  Both Audrey and Claire are already picking up British words (and spelling for Audrey).  Audrey's learned the British monetary system as she's learned to add and subtract, and Claire told her sister the other day that she couldn't come play because she was "on holiday."  So far the lobbying from Paul and Audrey seems to be pointing back to Rhode Island, but it's still early days yet. 

I've pasted pictures below with captions that move from our earliest days to the most recent - some you may have seen on Facebook, but probably not all...enjoy!

 

At the Parlour cafe our first week in Dundee	Starting school after a month of back and forth with the city council
Magdalen Green, near our house, and yes, traditional, still functional British phone booth	With A in Edinburgh, before ice-skating
Paul with girls by the sea in St. Andrews	Girls with Gingy in front of Edinburgh Castle
Beautify sunset, looking toward the Tay Rail bridge near our house	Visit from cousins Tim & Julia, passing through Scotland in January
Happy New Year photo	Funny "haggis" cookies at the local baker, for Burns Night in January
Playing on Magdalen Green on a warm(er) winter day	A with her Healthy Roundabout badge for Rainbows
Yes, the weather was that bad: family visits Scotland, and it rains (near Broughty Ferry beach)	Stirling Castle: more bad weather, but a cool location!
Orzechs on the beach, St. Andrews	C climbing the abbey walls in St. Andrews - literally.
Amusing Papa and Nana on the train to London	Sports in the park: race to the center of the flowers
The British Museum: drawing, of course.	Big Ben Selfie for C and Papa
Copycat Big Ben Selfie for A and Kay	Paul and half of Tower Bridge ( the other half looks just the same, anyway)
Singing "Let it Go" (the Elsa Song) in front of Kings Cross Station	A's photo of us before we got on the train to Dundee, leaving Papa and Nana on their own in London

The anti-crying-it-out sleep plan

So Audrey is almost 8 months old now, and has been going through an extended phase (since just before 6 months) where she has wanted to eat at least every 3 hours at night, sometimes much more than that. This started off because we went to see my parents over the holidays, and then went on to a family reunion in California. Both of these situations promoted a lot of "Audrey in bed with us" because she was just starting separation anxiety and we were in strange places, so it was easier for all if she slept with us. After we returned to Tucson, we worked on getting her back into her crib for the night, but she resisted, and then I got sick, meaning I didn't want to be getting up multiple times in the night to feed her, and so we were back to square one.

A little more than a week ago we decided to try a quasi crying-it-out plan - she would be in bed with us, but after eating, mom's restaurant would close down and she would have to sleep. This worked for a night or two, but then she wised up and just started crying for long periods. Like pretty much 3 hours straight one night. We couldn't stand it. So goodbye "cry-it-out-in-bed."

Last Friday, we decided to try something new, what I'm calling the tag-team plan. How it works is this: since she's been used to eating mostly all night, we don't want to cut her off completely (even though she can probably make it through the night without eating, as evidenced by "many other babies" everyone is always telling us about). Anyway, I decided I can handle 2 feedings, one at midnight (or later) and one at 4 am (or later) after we put her to bed (usually averaging around 8 pm). The tag-team part is that if, after I put her down at 8 pm, she wakes up anytime before midnight, Paul is on duty. He will go in and calm her down, walk with her (if he has energy), rock with her, and ultimately put her down and hold her hand until she goes to sleep. I then sleep as much as I can from 8:30/9:00 pm to midnight-ish, and then I feed her the first time when she wakes up after 12 (she tends to prefer 12:30 am). Then if she wakes up between the end of that feeding and 4 am-ish, I perform the same walk-rock-hand-holding maneuvers that Paul did before 12. Then if she wakes up after 4 am (give or take, I am not super-stickler about this and will feed her at 3:45 or whatever) she gets another feeding, hopefully to last her until at least 6 am.

So far it is working well. There is definitely less crying, especially after the first couple nights when she woke up quite a bit and stayed awake for longer than 20-30 minutes (the duration of a feeding or a quick-ish settling down). Since we are generally holding her when she cries, it is much easier to settle her down vs. having her in the crib crying and getting more and more worked up. Because neither of us is "on" all night, we are able to get more sleep - I might wake up at 11 if I hear her cry and Paul doesn't, but then he'll go settle her down and I can go back to sleep.

Our hope is that we can work down to one or no feedings overnight, and Audrey seems to be working toward the one-feeding goal too. The other night she woke up just once, at 2:30, to eat, so we'll see how it continues to go. Paul and I decided that "consistency is key" - we both try to do the same things to settle her down, and we follow the same tag-team plan so she knows who she's getting based on when she wakes up. The big challenge on the horizon will be Paul and I going on our belated "Valentines date" on Saturday - we'll see what effect that has, although it may not be too bad since it might just delay her bedtime (or mean she gets a "bonus" feeding when we get home at 9:30 or 10 pm). Keep your fingers crossed for the continued success of the tag team and Audrey's continued cooperation with our efforts!