The Beard

Some of you may know by now that my husband Paul has a beard. At least for the moment.  He has spent 3 solid months growing it, and grooming it. But now, he finds that everyone has a beard. And this makes him want to shave it off.  But then what? He's thought of a moustache. But then decided that really, Tom Selleck is the only male who can pull this off.

Thank you to the Flickr user who posted this photo, and by the way Paul chose this image of Tom, not me.

After rejecting the moustache, Paul thought of a moustache, sideburns and a little soul patch on his chin.  That keening sound that you hear is me, wailing "Noooooo!"

Then he told me the following story to illustrate why he wanted to get rid of his beard:

When I was over at N's birthday (Audrey's friend who had a birthday party last weekend), whenever I dipped my head down, my beard bristled up - when I stood up tall, it was fine, but as soon as I slouched down,  up it came, foosh (miming a Elizabethan collar around his neck). So I had to trim it!  

So here's the problem.  He wants to get rid of the beard, because everyone now seems to have one. But he has invested 3 months of his life into it and feels like he can't shave because of that.

So he wonders, is that why everyone seems to be walking around with a beard? Because they too want to shave, but feel they've put too much work into it?  It's not really a hipster thing...it's just the pain at throwing away three months of beard-growing work.

Who knew facial hair was so complex psychologically?

The 10 Best Knock Knock Jokes

Yesterday, I made an effort to celebrate St. Patrick's Day in a more American way.  Having witnessed the subdued reception to it on the part of the average Brit, I sought to celebrate my Irish heritage. But, given the demands of having two small(ish) children, I could hardly pop up to the local pub for a pint of Guinness. So I did the next-best thing.  I looked up St. Patrick's Day jokes for kids, which led to jokes more generally.

Our kids are currently into knock-knock jokes, but let me tell you (if you don't already know) - most of the knock knock jokes out there are terrible.  Not like "they're so bad they're funny." Just bad. So I tried to gather the best of the worst, and also divide it by age.

For your 3-year-old
(Simple)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ali
Ali who?
Aligator!

(Doesn't make sense, but it doesn't matter, they think it's hilarious anyway)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Banana on your head!

For your 6-year-old
(Seasonal)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Esther
Esther Who?
Esther Bunny!

(If they happen to be British or a Dr. Who fan: currently making the rounds at my daughter's school)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor Who?
You just said it!

(You might have to explain what a fig is)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Figs.
Figs who?
Figs the doorbell, it's broken!

For your older-than-6-year-old
(Slightly more complicated vocabulary and concepts)
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Doris!
Doris who?
Doris locked, that's why I knocked.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Cash
Cash who?
No thanks, but I’d like some peanuts

(It's all about…timing)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Interrupting pirate!
Interrup…
ARRRR!


Adults Now
(For you Sound of Music fans)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Little old lady
Little old lady who?
I didn't know you could yodel

(And finally, a few British jokes)
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.

What's round and bad tempered?
A vicious circle.

What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?
A barber queue


Thanks to the following sites from which I culled jokes:
http://www.enchantedlearning.com/jokes/topics/knockknock.shtml
http://amomwithalessonplan.com/knock-knock-jokes-for-kids/
http://lajollamom.com/kid-friendly-knock-knock-jokes/
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/19-silly-christmas-cracker-jokes-4854120

What will I miss about Scotland? The Place.

I was traveling for work this past week, so Tuesday included a 5:30 am start and a trip down to London, and then Guildford, to meet up with colleagues at one of our @digitallifespan partner Universities. At dinner last night, one of my colleagues asked me what I would miss about Scotland when I left (as I plan to do) in seven months. Despite having written several blogs about what I like about Scotland, the first answer that came to mind was not unique to Scotland - it's something we had in Providence, RI, too.  It is community - both Dundee and Providence are small enough cities, and have vibrant neighborhoods, so we feel like we belong there.  You run into people you know - at a coffee shop, in the post office, on the street.  And you can walk a lot of places. Especially in Dundee, but also in Providence, there are commercial streets near residential areas - urban planning done right. Both cities are big enough that are things to do - cultural events, restaurants (well, okay, Dundee gets half-points on restaurants), sporting events - but they have a small-town feel.  150,000 people is my kind of small town.  So when we return to Tucson, the metropolis of 500,000+ (1 million in the greater Pima County area) where you can't even walk to the corner store (what corner store?) I will miss that community.

Courtesy of Wikipedia, sheep in a location that could be Scotland.

The second thing I told my colleague I would miss is something I was reminded of as my boss and I drove from Dundee to Edinburgh Airport (at a you-can-see-unGodly-from-here hour) on Tuesday morning. As we passed out of the city, almost immediately we were in the countryside.  And not the countryside of the US, which still has large towns everywhere, interspersed with uninhabited mountains or forests.  Or in the Midwest, miles and miles of corn or another monocrop.  I'm talking about driving 10 minutes outside the city, and it's rolling hills, sheep, cows, farmhouses...and that continues until you're 10 minutes from the next city.  Bucolic.  It would be like [I imagine] stepping back in time in the US, when there was more rural life and agricultural focus - in Scotland, these are still main foci, celebrated at the Royal Highland Show in June (which, confusingly, is not held in the Highlands). 

Of course we will miss friends that we've made here in Scotland - that's a given. But we will miss the place as well!      

Thanks, Deer.

In the fine tradition of Seinfeld, my goal today is to write a short blog about nothing.  Well, okay, it's about something, three somethings in fact; funny accents, deer, and gorgeous sunsets.

Funny accents first. I was thinking about this story Paul told me  (some time ago) as I walked up to playgroup with Claire this morning. When we talk to people from the States, they often ask us to demonstrate the Scottish accent (which we're generally poor at doing, except for Audrey, but she clams up because he friends at school are forever asking her to "say something in American.") But we don't generally think how our American accent sounds to Scottish people. Paul told me he went to a playgroups with Claire one Wednesday.  The group took place in a small village near Dundee called Invergowrie. A three-year-old was talking about Halloween decorations, and he struck up a conversation with her on that theme.  In the middle of the conversation, the girl broke off speaking, looked directly at him and said, "Why you talk so funny? Stop talking so funny!" She was seriously offended that he wasn't speaking like everyone else, and her grandma had to explain to her that he was from somewhere else, and he was talking normally, even though he sounded funny to her.

Reindeer!

 Now on to deer.  During the last weekend on January I convinced the family to go to the Scottish Deer Centre.  I'd been wanting to go see what it was about: the Tripadvisor reviews were generally good, and it's only a 30-minute drive from Dundee.  The day seemed promising; although it was January it was clear and sunny, always a good start for Scotland. Although the Deer Centre didn't disappoint (we even got to see reindeer, another thing I've been wanting to check off my Scotland list!) it was cold. When the wind blew, it was REALLY cold.  Especially when we went to the Birds of Prey show (which was still held outside, despite the fact that you could only hear the presenter if she was facing you - the wind was literally blowing her words away). Interestingly, they had an indoor venue for the Birds of Prey show, but the cold, very windy weather was not considered inclement enough to move the show inside. This tells you something about Scottish weather. It was awesome to see a falcon swooping around, spotting and grabbing the prey (helpfully tied to the end of a rope wielded by the presenter).  And we got to feed a hand-reared deer and see some amazing elk up close. We agreed we'd definitely go back when the temperature was above 0 - or at least the wind was less gale-like.

Elk!

Finally, sunsets - Dundee has had milder weather this past week and lots of sun, but of course clouds still hover around, which makes for some amazing sunsets.  I've taken to carrying my camera around in my jacket pocket just because every day when I come home, the sunsets are so amazing (and have I mentioned my excitement that the sun is setting when I get home at 5:20, instead of while I'm sitting in the office at 3:20?) Becuase the sun stays up so late in the summer, it has a long way to go between the dark days of December and the bright light of June, so every day in February it seems like it's lighter a little longer!

Sunset over Magdalen Green toward the River Tay

 Watch this space this week for a guest blog by Paul Orzech, who reveals to me that his subject of choice will be: the layout of British supermarkets.        

Happy New Year 2015! (just a little late)

I haven't really written a Christmas/New Year's letter for a while. I think I was boycotting because they all seem the same: Last year was great! Everyone did amazing things! And I'm sure they did.  But with Facebook, it seems like if I know you fairly well, and you're at least a semi-regular poster on Facebook, I already know about - and have commented on - the amazing things you have done, almost in real time. Funny how social media lets us keep in touch to a degree that really renders the annual letter unnecessary.

So, this blog post, if you are a regular reader of mine on Facebook, is probably unnecessary. But since this blog is really my way of archiving my own thoughts (and if you like to read it, so much the better) I'm going to write it anyway.

2014 was a big mix.  We had a lot of "normal" time - but we also got to take 5 amazing holidays/vacations throughout the year, plus travel around locally within Scotland.  And this is what I hoped for when we moved to Scotland - that we would get these kind of opportunities.

The "normal" time is just like it is everywhere...work, school, playgroups, more work and school and playgroups.  Getting together with friends, playing video games, reading books, watching kids' TV (slight variations from the US in that the kids watch a lot of Cbeebies shows, the BBC kids network.  My favorites are Katie Morag and Grandpa in my Pocket (which features an incredible shrinking Grandpa as the hero)). Check Facebook to keep in touch, and repeat: work, school, playgroups... 
But the holidays are all different, although if you've been reading along you know it's not all idyllic - the time out car broke down in Gairloch and we had to get towed all the way home, the part about the really choppy boat ride out to Staffa, etc....but it is pretty awesome to get to go to so many new and beautiful places.  The quick summary (and links to my other blogs about these trips) are below.

The weather starts to get better (really!) and my parents and sister come for their first visit to Scotland in April.  We went to Stirling and saw Stirling Castle, St. Andrews for history and proximity to (although no actual playing of) famous golf, and then traveled to London with my parents and the kids.

Dad and C in front of Big Ben, London

Family on the West Sands beach (Chariots of Fire...dum duh duh duh duh dum), St. Andrews

In June, we ticked one of the must-see boxes on my list by going to the Royal Highland Show (with free tickets and parking, no less, thank to friends the Bells!), the biggest livestock/agriculture show in Scotland down near Edinburgh. This show really shows of how rural most of Scotland is...and where else could you get your picture taken with a haggis? Read more about it in my previous blog about the Royal Highland show. 

Girls watching Clydesdale judging

The Parade of Cows

Yes, it's Kay and Claire with a haggis!

In July we did a lot of traveling, with Audrey finally out of school for the summer.  On the Fourth of July weekend we went to see jousting at Linlithgow Palace (see my love letter to Historic Scotland here).  Later that month we did our longest Scotland drive yet, going up the A9 to Inverness, on to Loch Ness and Urquart Castle on Loch Ness, and then over to Gairloch for a few days holiday. Sadly, as those of you who are regular readers know, our car broke down in Gairloch and we had to be towed back to Inverness, then switch tow trucks and then get towed all the way back to Dundee. With a recently-potty-trained three year old. But we were thankful we had the breakdown cover - imagine AAA towing you 4+ hours for free in the States? Thanks RAC. Finally, we rounded out July by going just down the road to St. Andrews to see some Highland Games.  For Scotland purists, yes, we are aware that St. Andrews is not in the Highlands.  BUT due to their well-known University and golf prowess,  they throw a Highland Games mainly for the enjoyment of tourists, which includes events not seen at typical Higland Games, like the International Visitors races for Men, Women, and children. But it also includes typical "Heavy" events such as tossing the caber, the heavy hammer throws, and tug of war.

Linlithgow Peel set up for jousting	Kid jousting
Urquart Castle with Loch Ness behind	Beach at Gairloch
St. Andrews Pipe Band	Tossing the Caber at St. Andrews Games

In August we traveled to Arbroath, a nearby fishing village.  Attractions included a 1960's seaside (beach! wading pool! snack shack! miniature railway!), the Signal Tower museum about the building of a lighthouse 11 miles offshore in the 1800's, and the harbor, with the best fish & chips we've had in Scotland (fish & chips not pictured, neither are the agressive seagulls who also know where the best fish & chips can be found).

Girls wading in the wading pool by the beach

Arbroath harbor

Audrey in the Signal Tower museum with a fish seller

We also took a few days in August to go out to the West of Scotland and visit Oban, and the Islands of Mull, Iona and Staffa. We had one day of sun between two days of solid rain, but you can see that we did all our touring and took all our pictures on that one day!

Mull scenery

View of Iona Abbey from the hill

Cave on Island of Staffa

In an effort to get this post published before it is actually 2016, I'm not even going to talk about our October trip down to Bath to meet up with my world-traveler parents (which also included visits to Stonehenge and Wells, thanks to our intrepid mini-van driver Paul, who gamely drove around the English midlands with only Kay and Google as his guides.

And of course the end-of the year Christmas-New Years trip to Naples, Florence, and Rome, which I had been planning for oh, the preceding 8 months of 2014, to visit the fabulous Rudmanns and see some beautiful art.  Which didn't go exactly as planned (Paul vowed that he would never travel at Christmas again, and I believed him) but we still had some fantastic moments.

So here's my take-home message: Scotland is awesome. And scenic. Even when the weather is not so good, which is often.  And even when it is cold, which is often. But, as Paul says, catch it on a sunny day and you've never seen a more beautiful place. I encourage you all to come visit!    

Italy Part 2: Florence and Rome

 After spending quality time with the Rudmanns in southern Italy, we hopped on the train (yay fast trains) and zipped up to Florence at the end of December. Paul (and the girls, of course) had never been to Florence so I had scheduled trips to L'Academia, home of Michelangelo's David, and the Uffizi Gallery.  I had never seen the real David, as it was under restoration (or the gallery was) when I last visited with my parents. It definitely lived up to expectations - it was amazing.  Paul walked around and took pictures and sketched - I amused the kids, and even they were amazed.  I asked them, "What's the first thing you notice about David?" And of course the response from both of them was "His penis." So...what ELSE do you notice about David? So we got into a conversation about his ear and is hair, and what that thing over his shoulder was (explaining a slingshot to a kid who's never seen one...?)

 Between the two galleries we had New Years Eve and New Years Day, a national holiday when just about everything was closed.  On New Year's Eve, I woke up at 12:20 to the sound of multiple explosions...they must have gone on 30 or 40 minutes. Italians really love their fireworks! New Year's Day was quiet - I went up to San Miniato in Monte (truly, on a mountain, I was glad it was just me climbing) and Paul took the kids to the park.

The Uffizi was amazing, much better than I remember, although probably tortuous for Claire (3) - I think the yogurt break (pictured below right) was her favorite part - and strangers were commenting on Audrey (6) because she was sitting and drawing the artworks in her notebook.

As we walked around town, we kept passing by Santa Maria Novella (below left), and it always looked gorgeous - I kept taking pictures of it.

On our way to the Uffizi early in the morning, we had some more gorgeous Florence moments with buildings and bridges reflected in the still water of the River Arno.

Spending New Years in Florence also meant some beautiful lights; the illuminated tree by the Duomo (Santa Maria del Fiore) in the center of town, and the lit-up merry go round (only 1 euro to ride for a kid!) and building in the Piazza della Repubblica.

Florence also had some amusing graffiti

We finished our trip in Rome, discovering that in the ten years since we'd been there, the Italians got things together and were now charging for entrance to the Forum as well as the Colosseum, but the access to the forum was much improved - in 2005 it was just one path through the Forum, but now you can walk around quite a bit .Claire was posing (below right) and some random tourists even asked if they could take her picture, she was so cute.

By the time we got home (back through Amsterdam and Glasgow again) we were ready to be back.  I had made reservations for a train from Glasgow to Dundee that departed about 1 hour and 5 minutes after we were due to arrive at the airport.  I figured we'd never make it, and have to get a later train.  But Paul was determined...and we made it, thanks to a (relatively) speedy trip through Passport control and great timing with the bus from the airport to the train station - after that we were ready to say Hooray, UK. And of course open presents, because Santa (and our families) left just about all the Christmas presents in Scotland.

Although the trip had its downsides (Paul being ill for most of the trip chief among them) we had a great time overall, and achieved all our goals - seeing the Rudmanns! More light! Families getting along! And of course beautiful scenery, great art, and some good food as well.

Follow this link to read about the first part of our Italy trip!

Italy Trip Part 1: Amsterdam, Naples, Pompeii, Vietri!

When I found out that my best friend's husband was going to be stationed in Naples, Italy, with the Navy during our time in Scotland, I started hatching a plan.  It involved traveling to Italy to see her and her family. I became a little obsessive about planning this trip (as both Margaret and Paul can attest).  But I wanted it to be great. Since we were traveling at Christmas, I also didn't want any unwelcome surprises like "Oh, the train from Rome to Naples on the 23rd? That's been fully booked for 6 months." Yeah, okay, so, obsessive. But the plans came together. Involving lots and lots of transport - the kids and I counted how many planes, trains and buses we went on over the trip...here are the totals:

Transportation	Number
Planes	4
Trains	9
Buses	6

But ridiculous amounts of transport aside, our goals were modest. I just wanted to see Margaret and her family and enjoy more light than we see in Scotland in December (not difficult, since Scotland is about level with Southern Norway and it's very dark in the winter...).  Paul just wanted us all to be (relatively) calm and get along.  So it began.First stop: Amsterdam for an overnight stay. Got there too late for the Van Gogh museum...but we saw the outdoor ice rink and the I Am sterdam sign, both pictured below.


Next day, we continued our journey to Italy. Once we arrived we had a couple of days preparing for and celebrating Christmas - "gingerbread" houses and Christmas cookie-baking pictured!


After Christmas we visited Pompeii. It amazed us because of the vastness of the site - we felt we explored a lot, but there were many parts of the city we didn't even get near. The day alternated clouds and sun, which made for some lovely pictures - a photographers paradise, even for an amateur photographer like me. Top row: view with trees and mountains, kids on ruins. Bottom row: Paul and Audrey in the amphitheater, artsy shot by Paul of a bit only he explored.


We visited Vietri (properly, Vietri sul Mare) with the Rudmanns as well, on the Amalfi coast and known for painted pottery as well as dramatic views of the city seemingly tumbling down the hillside toward the sea. Top row: Margaret, Nora and I pose in the mirror of one of the bathroom setups in a ceramic tile store. Bottom row: view of the sea and part of the city from the beach below.

Our last trip with the Rudmanns was to downtown Naples.  The traveling party was much reduced; just Margaret and myself and the middle (6 and 7 year old) girls. The itinerary included Christmas Alley (more properly the Via San Gregorio Armeno, a bit of a side street off the Spaccanapoli, the main street in the historic center of Naples) devoted to presepe, or nativity scenes that feature not just the traditional characters, but everyday people and even celebrities too) and one of the two places in Naples that claim to be "the birthplace of pizza" (L'Antica Pizzaria da Michele). But before we set off, we had to get re-accredited at the security office at the base; I had Paul take a picture because we spent so much of the first week of our vacation at the security office (due to the holidays, we could only get visitor "day passes" that had to be renewed every day) it needed to be included in the photos! Top row: Mike and I at the security office, day 5 or 6. Large figures for presepe, including the Queen (in pink toward the front of the table). Bottom row: This just made me laugh...street decoration of the magi adoring Jesus...and a pizzaria. The crowd outside L'Antica Pizzaria, as we waited for our number to be called. 

Stay tuned for Part 2, where we leave the naval base (and our going-native guides) to venture to the (temporarily) frozen north of Florence, and then return to Rome before heading back home!