The 10 Best Knock Knock Jokes

Yesterday, I made an effort to celebrate St. Patrick's Day in a more American way.  Having witnessed the subdued reception to it on the part of the average Brit, I sought to celebrate my Irish heritage. But, given the demands of having two small(ish) children, I could hardly pop up to the local pub for a pint of Guinness. So I did the next-best thing.  I looked up St. Patrick's Day jokes for kids, which led to jokes more generally.

Our kids are currently into knock-knock jokes, but let me tell you (if you don't already know) - most of the knock knock jokes out there are terrible.  Not like "they're so bad they're funny." Just bad. So I tried to gather the best of the worst, and also divide it by age.

For your 3-year-old
(Simple)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ali
Ali who?
Aligator!

(Doesn't make sense, but it doesn't matter, they think it's hilarious anyway)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Banana on your head!

For your 6-year-old
(Seasonal)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Esther
Esther Who?
Esther Bunny!

(If they happen to be British or a Dr. Who fan: currently making the rounds at my daughter's school)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor Who?
You just said it!

(You might have to explain what a fig is)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Figs.
Figs who?
Figs the doorbell, it's broken!

For your older-than-6-year-old
(Slightly more complicated vocabulary and concepts)
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Doris!
Doris who?
Doris locked, that's why I knocked.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Cash
Cash who?
No thanks, but I’d like some peanuts

(It's all about…timing)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Interrupting pirate!
Interrup…
ARRRR!


Adults Now
(For you Sound of Music fans)
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Little old lady
Little old lady who?
I didn't know you could yodel

(And finally, a few British jokes)
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.

What's round and bad tempered?
A vicious circle.

What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?
A barber queue


Thanks to the following sites from which I culled jokes:
http://www.enchantedlearning.com/jokes/topics/knockknock.shtml
http://amomwithalessonplan.com/knock-knock-jokes-for-kids/
http://lajollamom.com/kid-friendly-knock-knock-jokes/
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/19-silly-christmas-cracker-jokes-4854120

Getting there is half the fun: London with kids

Battersea Children's Zoo: not an actual transport experience

I was a little nervous about going to London with the kids. Okay, I was a lot nervous. When we went to Edinburgh, Audrey was sick half the time, so I was hoping at least we'd all be healthy for London.

Well, we lucked out. Everyone was healthy.  And we all had a good time in London, too, starting with 5.5 hours on the train traveling down from Dundee.  The kids were surprisingly entertained by the smallest things - C (2.5 years) pretend-punched probably 50 tickets, and A (5.5 years) made paperclip necklaces for everyone.  They went to the toilet (exciting, going when the train is going...) and walked to the FoodBar car and back.

When we got to London, we did do some adult things (like go to the British Museum) and some kid things (the Battersea Children's Zoo) and some in-between (taking a Thames Cruise, going to the Angela Lansbury Film Festival showing of Bedknobs and Broomsticks).  But I think the kids had the best time getting from place to place.  Taking the Underground (train) and the Docklands Light Railway to the film (and stopping to play in a lovely park on the way).  Walking down to the British Museum from the Kings Cross area. Taking the Underground again and walking across a very windy bridge to Battersea Park. Taking a taxi to Westminster Pier to catch the boat for the cruise, and of course cruising (we thought it was going to be too windy, but it turned out to be fine, we even sat on the top deck). And I almost forgot one of the kids' highlights (because I wasn't there - my parents watched the kids while Paul and I nipped down to Somerset House to see a small collection of Impressionists) - the London Transport Museum.  Where else can your 5 year old drive a double-decker bus while the 2 year old pilots a taxi? They loved it, and didn't want to leave, even to meet up with mom and dad.

For the whole trip, they didn't seem to care too much about the destination, they just wanted to travel.  We don't have a subway in Dundee, or a river to cruise down.  Who cares that there are 8 million objects in the British Museum? They just wanted to ride the train and play in the park.  Kind of like home, but with a bit more adventure.  Isn't that what traveling is all about?